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I Can’t Find It Anywhere August 25, 2006

Posted by vollenda in : General , 5 comments

It’s gone.  I’ve looked everywhere I can think of…in my stack of magazines and tri books, on the blogs, on trifuel, in the mirror.  Even in Lost & Found at the store, just in case I dropped it there.  I want it back.  Isn’t that weird?  You would think that when you want it back, it wouldn’t be lost anymore.  Still…it’s not to be found.  Oh where, oh where has my motivation gone?  Come back!  I miss you.

However, I can say that the commutes have been great this week.  The mornings are cool and gorgeous.  The afternoons are warm and sunny and breezy.  Thank god for my bike commutes.  That’s when I’m happiest.  Just a girl and her bike.

 

I started taking a new route that adds another 1+ miles to my ride - almost all of that uphill.  I thought it was going to be longer and more hill but apparently, I overestimated. 

 

 

Last night, on the way home, I got a face full of water.  Sprinklers came on just as I was riding by and sprayed me.  That guy waited for just the right moment!  I swear it.

Though, once I was done being offended and wiping off my sunglasses, I was thankful for the coolness.

 

 

 Have a great weekend everyone.  Happy Training.  Don’t forget to send good thoughts up to IMC. :)

Expensive Hobbies August 24, 2006

Posted by vollenda in : General , 1 comment so far

I was offered a job a few days before Vineman. From someone that I used to work for a few years ago (in his IT Dept). He told me I could name my price. I said no. Mostly because it would mean working in LA and the commute would not be fun – on the train by 6 am and arrive back at 7 pm. It wouldn’t leave me any time for riding & running & swimming. Not to mention using up all the daylight. I told him it wasn’t about the money and that I was in a good place right now that paid me well and allowed me the time to do the things I love.

But the increase would have been nice. The past couple of day, I’ve been looking at my finances (or lack there of) for the next few months. I have quite a few purchases to make. I was hoping I would have enough for my own wetsuit. I’ve been renting from Foothill for tris, but as you know, they closed their doors (sniff – I’m still so bummed). So no easy rentals anymore. It looks like I’m going to do the BOD without a wetsuit but it’s only a 1500 swim. Never thought I’d say that. Or at least say that without fear striking me in the heart. I did the sprint last year without a wetsuit and the water was warmer than the air outside. This is where my money is going:

Crap, that’s a lot of money. I don’t need the hotel or the VR lens, but I WANT them. I need some cash flow in! What? Why yes, I have heard of a little thing called a credit card. But no, I don’t have one. Part of my whole live simpler, screw the government life. No, seriously…in my unhappier days, not only did I soothe my soul with food but also with shopping. Let’s just say I was VERY unhappy. :( I’ve worked hard to pay off my debt and while I’m not done yet, it’s manageable now. :) Less than half what it used to be! Woo! I don’t want to go that route again so it’s cash or nothing. At least I already purchased all the bike & running stuff I need this summer.

Oh, and no, I’m not doing the LA tri. But I want to go see it and take photos of it. I definitely have not mastered the art of sports photography…yet. Since I will never make it into Inside Tri or Triathlete for my speediness, it will have to be with one of my photos.  Wouldn’t that be a kick?  I could sure use that VR lens before then. Hopefully, the photo job I picked up in Sept will help pay for some of this.

How do you quit? August 23, 2006

Posted by vollenda in : General , 5 comments

Falling, I mean.  It’s not like I enjoy it.  Both knees are pretty scarred from various trips while running and crashes on the bike.  But really, it’s not that training for tris is dangerous.  I think it’s just that I spend more time running or riding and it increases the odds of a mishap.  I have also fallen many, many, many times while not running or riding.  MANY.  Let’s review:

 I also walk into things - doors, desks, chairs, people.  My dad says it’s because I spend too much time daydreaming instead of paying attention to what I’m doing.  And I’m sure that’s a big part of it.  But I get vertigo sometimes.  It seems to happen most (or maybe I notice it most) when I’m taking a shower.  It happened this morning.  It’s just a brief moment where things spin and I have to steady myself with a hand.  Because I stand up too fast maybe?  Low blood pressure?  Hmmm.  Sometimes when I’m sitting at my desk and stand up too fast, I see stars.  I’ve gotten used to it and don’t really notice it anymore.

Anyway…back to training.  Just the bike the past few days.  The knee has been swollen and achy so I’m giving it a rest.  Tonight will be a longish ride home, with hills, and then hopefully a brick.  It’s hot again…100s.  But it doesn’t feel bad.

 

Just call me Yertle August 21, 2006

Posted by vollenda in : General , 4 comments

As in Yertle, the Turtle.  I had my second fall yesterday!  I was daydreaming.  It was a beautiful day and I was enjoying being outside.  Luckily, there were no cars or witnesses around.  My left knee was a little messy.  Sigh.  Guys think scarred knees are sexy, right?  Oh well.  Mostly I was worried that the blood would mess up my new Trifuel socks (which I received on Saturday), but they were fine.  It was a shorter ride than I’ve been doing-80 minutes on Hobbes, a brief stop at home to clean up the knee and get a band aid, then jumped on Blue and rode over to Best Buy for another 40 minutes of riding.  Since it was a shorter ride, I decided to do a little hill riding and just ride up Euclid to the top.  There was another girl riding up there too and she said “Are we nuts or what?”  I said, “yeah, but it’s fun.” :) It was a great day.

I flipped the run & ride this weekend and went for an hour run on Saturday.  Slowish to the sounds of Massive Attack & Incubus – a weird combination but it worked.  No walking!  Woo Hoo!  I’m dropping into a Oly plan for the BOD and it will set me up perfectly to start training for the Rock & Roll.  I’m going to back up a bit and restart my running so that I’m straight running and not run/walking.  I figure this way, I’ll start to feel like a real runner again.  Where before I wanted to just survive (hence the run/walk), now I want to see how well I can do.  After the OC Half Marathon earlier this year, I had visions of a 4:30 marathon and that’s what I’m going to go for again.

Oh, I didn’t go to my high school reunion after all.  I missed a lot of family stuff while I was training and I had decided that once Vineman was past, I would put family first.  So on Saturday, I took my grandfather to a wedding of a family friend.  Although it would have been nice to see all my old classmates, it was nice to go to a good, old fashioned Mexican-American wedding with the homemade food, mariachis, and a bonus…ballet folklorico dancers.  And I got to see my nina & nino (my godparents) that I haven’t seen since my grandmother’s funeral 4 years ago.  Of course, I took my camera and got a little bit of practice in.  Watching the photographer reminded me that not only do I have to buy a flash, but I have to buy a battery pack.  And find my flash bracket.  I have got to find cheaper hobbies.  But on a fun note…I got another photo gig!  I was hired to take pictures of a party in September and I’m excited about it.

This is my grandfather…

granpa

Vineman Run Photos August 18, 2006

Posted by vollenda in : General , 5 comments

Have you ever watched an Ironman race before?  In person?  Before Vineman, I’d only ever watched the local sprints.  You would think it would be boring for someone who isn’t competing and maybe it is for family members who are only there to cheer on one triathlete.  I never found it boring.  But then, I’m a people watcher and becoming a spectator gave me the opportunity to watch some amazing people - triathletes AND their loved ones.  It also gave me the opportunity to take pictures.  Except…guess what?  I didn’t take as many as I thought I would.  Mostly because I got so caught up in watching them and cheering for them and looking for Kylie that I sometimes forgot to take pictures!  Doh!  And sometimes it felt like an intrusion to take their pictures, almost as if their experience was too personal to share with anyone else.

I’ve always thought of the swim as anonymous.  Everybody is costumed in sleek, black wetsuits with a mask of goggles and caps.  There are slight differences here and there (maybe a few more curves on some) but for the most part, they look like the same breed of fish.  You can catch glimpses of their faces in the water, but as they swim farther and farther away, it’s harder to tell the differences amongst the churning arms and legs.  The bike is a blur of rainbow colored bikes and outfits.  There is definitely more opportunity to express your personality and individuality but the glimpses are so brief, they leave more of an impression than a clear picture of the person competing. Oh, but the run… run 

On the run, time moves more slowly for both the athlete and the spectator and you get to be a part of their journey for a few moments longer.  At Vineman, it was a 3 loop course and from our place in the grass, we saw triathletes 3, 4, 5, even 6 times on the run.  We became familiar with them.  You could see who was having a good day or a bad day.  Who was sailing along and who was shuffling.  You could hear them breathe.  You could hear them laugh.  Sometimes when we cheered for them, they said thank you.  Sometimes they just smiled. 

run2

 Sometimes they looked thru you like they weren’t even seeing you.  Sometimes, their gaze never wavered from the path ahead and I don’t think they even heard me.  There were some who asked us to give them a bigger cheer because they needed more.  There were some that gave encouragement to other triathletes.   

run3 

If they could joke with me, I knew they were doing okay.  The guys that flirted a little I didn’t worry about one bit!  Some of the guys even complimented Kylie’s dad on his golf swing as he practiced.  There were athletes wearing every make of shoes imaginable and one with no shoes at all.  They were wearing garmins, and heart rate monitors, and fuel belts, oh my.  They were wearing visors, hats, cowboy hats, and wigs.  There were young athletes and old, tall ones and short ones, skinny ones and ones not so much.

run4 

Yes, I saw a lot of guys with some very smooth legs and one guy with a whole lot of hair and a big shaggy beard.   There were some who were running, some who were walking, and some who were limping (for which I gave a little prayer).  But all of them were moving forward as if on some imaginary conveyor belt.

  run5

The families were a riot.  As triathletes came into T2, they ran along side them to the fence, screaming and jumping.  We laughed at their enthusiasm and excitement.  But then, suddenly there was Kylie and WE were screaming and running to the fence to watch her transition.  They had signs, and noise makers, and voices hoarse from yelling.  Moms, dads, brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, grandparents, and friends - all of them excited and proud and anxious.  The finish was the best part.  Oh my god, the smiles…you never saw such huge smiles. 

run6 run10

You’d think they won the lottery…and of course, they did.  Although some had more of a grimace than an actual smile.  Either way, there was no ambivilance.   

Sometimes, families couldn’t wait until the finish and ran with them thru the chute.  There was one mom who ran thru with her baby, bouncing along, and people were joking that he would need therapy because of it.  But don’t they say that of all triathletes?  So he will fit right in!  One dad had a gaggle of little girls who were running and twirling along side him and it made you laugh because you just knew he was a triathlete so he could keep up with them. :)  

run7

Then Kylie was running thru the chute and again we were screaming and running and proud. And for us, the day was over.  In some ways I would like to forget that day.  But I also hope I never forget what I saw and remember it the next time I tow the line.

An Expensive Lesson aka The Vineman That Wasn’t August 17, 2006

Posted by vollenda in : General, Race Report , 8 comments

Ok, so this is hard to write up. Part of me is sad to write this and part of me is embarrassed to write it. But I don’t want to let it fester inside so I better get it out. BBB & Tim think I am handling this pretty well, but tears are rolling down my cheeks as I write this. It sucks to know that you failed at something. Something that you didn’t realize how bad you wanted until it slipped thru your fingers.  It’s long…sorry.  For the life of me, I can’t figure out how to write a short post!

***Warning*** PMS issues ahead - you may want to skip this next section…

The Days Leading up to it: So…I was pretty happy that I was going to start my period before Vineman. The last thing I wanted was to start that day and I started on the Tuesday night before. Thank you PMS gods. The first couple of days, I had cramps and also stomach rumblings and bloating. The usual for me but that also means I have no desire to drink or eat much. The cramps weren’t too bad though and I did a pretty good job of eating on Wednesday as Kylie and I drove up there. I only drank a little water on the way up, not even a full bottle of water. Yet, I felt like I had swallowed an ocean. Anyway, that night, my stomach was not happy.

On Thursday, I had to go to the bathroom often during the day but still wasn’t really drinking any water. I had a light breakfast and a light lunch and a good dinner that Wendy & Frank (Kylie’s dad & stepmom) made for us. It was delicious. On Friday, I finally started to lose the water I’d been retaining and my stomach was feeling better without all that pressure. I had a light breakfast, no lunch except some banana bread, and then pasta for dinner with my mom & Tony. As I went to bed that night, I realized I hadn’t had any protien during the day but thought I would be good with the carbs.

I can blame this on the PMS/stomach issues but that would be a lie. I doubt I would have eaten much even if my stomach had been okay. All the days leading up to Vineman, I was nervous. More nervous than excited really which killed my appetite. I ate more because I knew I needed to but it wasn’t a priority with me. And Friday night, in the dark, all my fears came rushing into my mind. Who was I kidding that I could do this? What the hell was I thinking? I think I slept for a half hour and then woke up and tossed and turned the rest of the night. The last time I saw the clock, it said 1:30ish. I closed my eyes and woke up again a little before the alarm went off at 3:50. Got up, went to the bathroom and my stomach was doing flips from the nerves. I managed to eat a bagel and drink some orange juice and then we were off to the races. I think I was more on autopilot than anything - more of a going thru the motions because not starting was NOT an option.

Race Day:

We got there, set up for T1 and then I headed to the porta-potties. The lines were long but I HAD TO GO before I put on my wetsuit. And yep, lost my breakfast. Woo! Great, now what? Went back to my setup and put on my wetsuit, all the while thinking I just had to make it thru the swim and then I could start fueling on the bike. If I could just get to the bike I would be okay. My mom yelled if I needed to be zipped up and I said yes and a triathlete that was walking by zipped me up. Kylie came running over because she couldn’t get zipped up either and Holly and I got her zipped up and then we were running into the corral and into the water and the gun went off before I could even think. My swim wasn’t as rough as Kylie’s. Sure there were legs and arms everywhere but I don’t remember getting kicked or knocked around much. I tried to find a rythym and just swim. I was going pretty slow so it wasn’t crowded at all at the back. I think I only got off course once. It was easy to sight using the shore of the river and I was happy that I didn’t have that to worry about that. Right before the turnaround at a half mile, I got a cramp in my right leg. Stopped, stretched it out, and then started going again. After a minute or so, the left leg cramped. Then they alternated for a while. Each time I stopped, I got more and more frustrated. Every time one of the kayakers asked me if I needed help, I said no but in hind sight, that was bad because I drank a lot of water while I was working out the cramps. I remember looking up and seeing the sun rise over the trees along the river and thinking how beautiful it was up there and wished I had my camera. Finally, I made it to the last bridge before the swim beach. I heard my mom yelling encouragement from the bridge and I was startled but happy that she was still there. As I went under the bridge, both legs cramped at the same time. I couldn’t touch and there weren’t any kayaks close and damn it…I started to panic and hyperventilate. And felt like I was swallowing half the river. Then Jackie came over in a kayak and asked me if was okay. I said yes but she didn’t believe me and I ended up holding on to the kayak until I got rid of the cramps. I was still having trouble breathing and started to feel a little lightheaded and pretty nauseous. She wanted to call a boat over but I wouldn’t let her and started moving toward the beach. She kayaked along side me until I got up on the beach and then sat down next to me. I was still hyperventilating a little and I started crying which made it worse and it felt like the wetsuit was choking me. All in my head, I know. I just sat there, with my head between my knees, listening to the sounds of the swimmers coming in and the crowd cheering, and crying because I wasn’t a part of it anymore. While I was sitting there, a boat came up with another triathlete and he got out and came over and rubbed my back and was just there with me.

Jackie brought Dr. Steve over and he told me to come sit in the tent with him and Graham and he would lick my face and make me feel better. What? Then I realized he meant the dog. So I went with him and sat on a cot waiting for my breathing to get back to normal and the nausea & cramps to subside. And that’s where my mom found me…sitting in T1 with a boxer named Graham for company and watching the swimmers enter and exit as a cyclists. I told her I was sorry for making her come all that way for nothing and she told me not to be silly and that she was proud of me for trying. But that’s what mom’s say.  One mile…big whoop. :(

Spectatoring:

As I was sitting there, the doubts crept in. I’d given up to early. I could have kept going. Would they have let me back in the water? Can you go back in after you get out? I was too embarrassed to ask and anyway too much time had passed to even make the cut off. I waited until T1 was quieter so I wouldn’t get in the way and then gathered up my stuff and headed out. I called Holly and we drove to the High School to pick up a hotel key. Holly & Kylie’s family gave me hugs and also told me they were proud of me for trying. Then I went back to the hotel to shower and went back to the high school to watch Kylie. My job as a spectator was just beginning…

Now, looking back, I see that I didn’t believe enough in my abilities to make it thru. This quote came into my email while I was up at Vineman and it is so ironic:

Luke: ‘I can’t believe it.’

Yoda: ‘That is why you fail.’

I can’t really pinpoint where or when I lost that confidence because I did have it when I started this back in January. Somewhere in June maybe? I’ll have to go back and read my blog. If I had believed in myself, you would be reading a different story today. I think I would be more okay with not finishing if I had done the swim and the bike and not finished the run. What’s even more funny is that as I was watching the others thru the day, I kept thinking “that should be you out there” and “you could have done it” but it was too late and there was no time machine in sight. I’ll have wait for another time to prove to myself that I can do it. The plan right now is to volunteer at IM AZ next year and sign up for 2008. The desert has always been a happy place for me and I will have all my family there, I’m sure. Next year, I will do more Oly’s and then find a Half to do, maybe SOMA?

I guess I can say that the Vineman has taught me an important lesson - kind of an expensive one in terms of time and money - but a good lesson, none the less - which is that I still have not conquered the old demons that made me gain so much weight in the past.  As long as I was healthy and happy it was easy for me to stay away from the destructive habits that made me miserable for most of my life.  I need to expunge those demons once and for all or they will continue to plague me when times are rough and I will lose something else that’s important to me.

 

 

 

 

 

Support Your Local Bike Shop

Posted by vollenda in : General , 2 comments

I found out my favorite bike shop closed yesterday.  Kylie posted it in her blog here.  Waaahhh. :(   What shall I do?  Where shall I go?  I’m going to miss them.  In fact, I loved that bike shop so much that I would ride 12 miles to get there instead of going 2 miles to the two shops near me.  I would have gladly ridden farther.  From the first day I went in there, they took the time to know me and what I was doing.  I felt comfortable in there because they were triathletes too.  They were the first bike shop I didn’t feel intimidated to ride with and I knew if bike needed tweaking, they would fix me right up.  And of course, I have Hobbes because of them!  It was less than a year ago, when I was getting ready for the Steamboat, that I got my new bike.  I didn’t even have all the money to pay for it and Dan let me take Hobbes home and make payments on him.  So I got to use a brand, spanking new bike that made me feel like a speed demon. :)   Thanks to Dan, Ron, and John for taking such good care of my bikes and keeping me supplied with tri gear.  You guys rock! :)

Now what? August 16, 2006

Posted by vollenda in : General , 4 comments

So…you know what’s not so fun?  Getting to tell your friends and coworkers that- no, I am not an Ironwoman and no, I did not finish.  And that as one of my coworkers so eloquently put it…I choked on the swim. Sigh.  At least, after tonight’s gathering at Mondi’s, everyone should know and I won’t have any more “splaining” to do.  Except to the trifuel world.  Which for some reason is the hardest to tell even though I think you all know what it means to me to not finish.  But other than Allen’s comment, everyone has been really supportive and encouraging and giving me cards, etc.

So far this week, all I have been doing is riding to/from work.  The commute has been really nice this week as the weather has been gorgeous and cool.  And I have plenty of energy in my legs.  I feel slightly lost right now in that I had been planning time off for after the Vineman but now I don’t really need it.  I was hoping that taking time off would give my shoulder the time it needed to completely heal.  And various body parts are saying “but we had a deal!”  :P   But I’ve been thinking that I want to end this tri season on a positive note so I would like to do the BOD at the end of September.  The BOD is the Bonelli Olympic Distance and while not long, would be a challenge to go as hard and fast as I can at that distance (which I’ve never done).  I think it would be a good thing, don’t you? :)

Other than that, I have vague plans to run the local 5K that I did last year (also in Sept) and then the Tour de Foothills in November which is supposed to be a century this year.  Oh, and the Rock & Roll in Phoenix in January.  It’s going to work out great in that I can fly out for my sister’s birthday the weekend before it and then spend the week hanging out there.  It will be my first race that my AZ family will get to see.  I’m excited about that.  Now, the idea of training for a marathon or a century on it’s own seems easier and finishing strong and well seems infinitely more doable than it did last year.  I guess, if Vineman gave me anything, it gave me that. :)

Not Ready For Primetime August 15, 2006

Posted by vollenda in : General , 13 comments

Lisa, Bib #320, DID NOT FINISH the 2006 Vineman.  In fact, she did not finish the swim.  One lap and the program was pulled due to lack of…well, basically…everything.  But don’t worry folks - the script has been sent back to the writers and the Lisa Becomes An Ironman show will return as mid season replacement for the 2008 season. 

Seriously…Saturday was one of the most disappointing days of my life.  I won’t go into detail yet about what happened. Let’s just say that I let my fears get the better of me.  Still, I wanted to let the blog world know that it was a DNF for me at the Vineman, just in case you are tuning in.  Not that it was all bad.  Here’s what I’m thankful for about this whole experience:

So…My emotions ran the gamut that day - fear, excitement, frustration, disgust, shame, sadness, anger, envy, laughter, happiness, determination.  I think I was most disappointed that I didn’t get to bike.  I thought for sure I would finish the swim and the bike.  It’s the run that I wasn’t sure of.  I wasn’t sure I would be able to run enough to finish in time.  I still can’t believe it ended so early for me.  Probably the worst part though is the lingering feeling that I should have kept going and could have finished the swim if I’d only had a little faith in myself.   It’s funny but if you had asked me a few weeks ago if I would ever do this again, I would have said NO way in hell.  But as my mom & Tony were driving me back to Windsor on Saturday morning, I was already planning how and when I would do the next one.  I do not want a flipping DNF hanging over my head for the rest of my life.  I cannot let that happen.  You have to get back on the horse, right?

On another good note, the taper seems to have finally given my foot and calf the time it needed to heal.  I got up on Sunday and went for an hour run that included some nice hills and they did fine.  I enjoyed the run, I think, because I no longer “had to” run.  I wanted to run because I like it and it gives me a chance to explore.  Same with the my ride on Monday.  It was only an hour and it wasn’t for any other reason than to get home from my mom’s/the bike shop.  But it was cool and sunny and not much traffic and it was a good day for riding.

Some Mission Pics…

hall

bench

chair2

chapel

Mission

We’re off to see the Wizard August 7, 2006

Posted by vollenda in : General , 11 comments

Kylie and I leave for Vineman on Wednesday.  I’m hoping that wizard guy will give me the heart and courage I’m going to need for this race.  I saw the repeat of Kona on Saturday and it reminded me that there are people who have dealt with much worse than aching knees and feet and shoulders that have done this thing.  I also met Bill Davis on Saturday, the legally blind triathlete from that article last week.  He was telling me about being tethered to someone during the swim and some of the other unknowns for him.  He didn’t seem too worried.  Why am I?

Often in my vast 38 years, I have sabotaged myself and and either lost things I loved or gave them up.  I found myself doing that on this journey in the past month or so - not eating right, not sleeping right, not training enough.  I have definitely made it harder on myself than it should have been.  Of course, I could see myself going into that old pattern of self destruct and I think I was just too tired to do anything about it.  Or maybe I thought I didn’t deserve it.  It’s a downward spiral.  I should have asked for help or taken a closer look at what I was doing.  But I didn’t….it is what it is.  So…

I’m going to Vineman and I’m going to do the best I can.  Wish me luck. :)