Mostly Good September 28, 2006
Posted by vollenda in : General , 7 commentsI ran on Sunday and I ran last night. Twice in one week…woo! The legs are a little sore from the non running use but overall, things went pretty well. Both of the runs were slow. Can you go too slow, I wonder? Both to the sounds of Jem, whose song “Finally Woken” I used in the title the other day. It’s music to calm the savage beast. I wasn’t quite that bad but I WAS beastly last night and had a not so nice exchange with a driver which left me feeling yuck. I find that I have more bitterness towards cars lately and the air can be quite blue around me (along with the gesturing). Mostly, I ran to get some of that feeling out. I could sit there and dwell or I could go for a run. I went for a run. And the rest of the night was a good night. What was funny was that before I went, I decided I needed to be more positive about cars & their drivers and then on the run, two very nice drivers stopped and waved me thru two intersections so I wouldn’t have to pause in my run. What they say is true - if you look for the positive in people, you will find it.
My mom had her first fall on Monday. She just scraped up her knee a little. I had to laugh when she told me “I knew I was fine but I was worried about my bike”. She rides in the morning about 6 days a week and then again at night to visit my grandfather instead of taking the car. Go mom!
I got the volunteer instructions for the BOD. I don’t know why but I thought since the race started at 8:30, I would get to sleep in a little. Turns out we have to be there by 6. At least it’s still warm out here. It was a beautiful 71 degrees last night when I was running.
I got my first ever summons for jury duty in the mail yesterday. I’m kind of looiking forward to it.
Woo Hoo! September 26, 2006
Posted by vollenda in : General , 4 commentsOk, the past two posts may have seemed like I’m dwelling on the past. But it’s really not about dwelling. It’s more about knowing myself and being okay with it - the good and the bad. I haven’t been okay with a lot of things that I’ve done in my past. But it has made me who I am today. I need to stop hiding who I was so I can be free to be who I am. I thought full disclosure in the blog world would help with that. Kind of like a shout out to the world. So who am I? Me, of course. Silly. But also…
I am a daughter, sister, granddaughter, aunt, friend, supervisor, cyclist, runner, swimmer, triathlete, cross-stitcher, crocheter, beader, and PHOTOGRAPHER. Woo! I just got this email from the client I took photos for this weekend. Talk about making my day. 
WOW! I am so THRILLED with every single photo you took. Your pictures are beautiful, THANK YOU so much for capturing everything. You did an amazing job. You are our new photographer, I hope you don’t mind.
So we were wondering could you take our Christmas photos? We would like to do another family photo and then just the girls to hopefully send out with the christmas cards.
We were hoping for a spot with maybe a fountain in the background or something other than trees/green, we did that last year.
Thank you Lisa!!!!!!
You seriously did such a wonderful job!
Leigh
Yes, life is good.
Part Two - Finally Woken?
Posted by vollenda in : General , 4 commentsOk, so part two…Why I wanted to do Vineman.
If you read yesterday’s blog, you probably noticed that for most of my life, discipline was a foreign word. I didn’t write that because I’m looking for praise or something. I am not proud of it. If I could go back and erase the worry and sadness I caused the people I loved, I would do it in a heartbeat. Part of the reason I’m writing this all out is for me because I don’t like how negative I’ve become this year. It’s shades of the old Lisa and I don’t want to go there again. Because if I was stressed or mad or hurting or afraid, I turned to one of three methods of dealing with it:
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I ate food. A lot of it.
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I spent money. A lot of it.
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This is a hard one and I’m still not sure whether or not I can/should say it here. Actually, outside of my family and friends, I’ve only told one person - a fellow trifueler. She asked for my help with a friend and I thought she should know my whole story before she decided whether or not I was the right person for the job. She is in the field of medicine so I thought she would get it and she did. Okay, deep breath…i.hurt.myself. When I was younger. I don’t anymore but I still have scars from it. Most of them have faded now but for a long time, they were a brand. They were the symbol of how much I hated myself.
All three of those things caused me to shut myself in. I never talked to anyone about my issues. No one. Not my family or friends. If anyone asked me how things were going, I said I was fine. I made excuses to not go out with my friends and family. Summers were spent cooped up because it was hard to explain long sleeves when it was over 100. And the beach or pool parties? Forget it. NOT happening. Really, my life was about work and then going home to sit in front of the TV. That’s it. If you saw me walking down the street, you would see a girl dressed in black with long hair hiding her face. I wasn’t a part of this world so much as passing thru it as anonymously as possible. I was too self-centered to be a good anything-aunt, daughter, granddaughter, friend.
I, of course, did nothing about my health or my debt or the SI (as it’s sometimes referred to so young girls don’t get the idea). I pretty much had my head in the sand. Like an Ostrich. I think I thought I would find a magic lamp and one day I would wake up the perfect Lisa. Me, only better. No scratch that. I didn’t like myself enough to want to be me. Guess what? My magic lamp turned out to be my nieces. Now that they lived in Arizona, I was seeing them more. And I was sad that I didn’t have the energy to play with them. Sad that I didn’t have the money to take them to the zoo or buy them books or even the money for gas to get to Arizona sometimes. I wanted to make sure I was around to see them grow up. So slowly, I started changing the things I didn’t like. I started losing weight. I started using a budget. I got help for the other. Basically, I learned to like myself and take care of myself.
One day, a bad day, instead of eating or shopping or the other, I said “I want to run”. And I was a little shocked to realize that I literally meant run and not run away. So I joined 24HR and started with the exercise bike and the elliptical. Then my lease was up on my car and I decided to just turn it in and buy a bike. That was the best decision I ever made. Truly, not only did I lose weight but I was making great strides in reducing the debt. A few months after that I started running. And you know what? For the first time, I felt free. I was peaceful inside. I felt like a kid again I was so happy. These are a couple of pictures I took at my photo gig this weekend. The joy that these kids are feeling as they swim and run, that’s how running and riding made me feel.
Life was good. But you know what? In a way, I was still Lisa The Ostrich. Because I was staying in my comfort zone, in this safe little world that I had created. I still wasn’t doing lunches or other events that might tempt me to break my diet. I’d cut up the credit card so they wouldn’t lure me. I was still hiding my body. It was tris that broke that shell. Wearing shorts and tank jerseys. Wearing a bathing suit! I almost didn’t do my first tri because I didn’t want to put on a bathing suit for training. But I did and I became more comfortable with wearing tri apparel and showing my body. And it got stronger and leaner and meaner. 
Ok, not quite a lean, mean, fighting machine but a whole hell of a lot closer than I had been since I was 14. Slowly, the last and biggest fear I had faded. I was kinda proud of my body and what it could do. So for me, tris have been and will always be about freedom and acceptance. Both physical and emotional. I wanted to do Vineman to prove to myself that I really had woken up. Because I knew I could do it. But also because it would be my big test. Yes, I had come a long way but nothing had happened to test me - no losses, no heartbreaks, no failures. I had a pretty peachy life. Saying yes to the Vineman meant I was willing to take risks.
The thing about Ironman training is that you can’t fake it. You can’t sorta run or sorta ride or sorta swim. You have to do the training and you have to train well. No one can do it for you. They can do it with you but they won’t be pulling you along. If you’re not sleeping or eating right, your training suffers and mine did. If you’re stressed in other areas, it will show up in your training too. I was stressed about my knees and my shoulder and work and it all showed up in my training or rather, my desire to train. It was a little crushing to find out that I wasn’t as far as I thought I was and that I could fall into old habits so easily. This time, I hurt myself in a different way by not training properly and using the excuses of my health or work. I put myself in a place where I had no confidence in finishing and lost a goal that meant a lot to me. When I say that I didn’t enjoy the journey, it’s because the Vineman stuck a big mirror in my face and showed me some things about myself that I didn’t like. Things I thought were gone but were still lurking deep inside. It seemed that I had taken care of the problems without fixing the underlying causes. I was frustrated and maybe a little scared and I resented Vineman for that. Sigh. So yeah, I’ve got some work to do. But I will. And the next time I do an Ironman (AZ 07), I’ll really be ready for it and I’m going to make sure I’m awake BEFORE I start that journey. It’s not going to be about a test. It’s going to be about seeing new things, enjoying what my body can do, and about having fun!
Yep, I took a step back from training. To rediscover that joy I felt when I was training and racing. I went back to the one area where I’ve always been open to risks - photography. But I’ll be back. I’m just not going to force it.
An Explanation of an Ironman Journey September 25, 2006
Posted by vollenda in : General , 3 commentsThis is part one of a two part explanation on why I thought I could become an Ironwoman and what it meant to me…Someone asked me the other day if I was sick of tris and training. I can understand why bbb would ask that - I haven’t been training much and for the last few months I’ve been doing a lot of whining and complaining about my Ironman Journey and that damn DNF. I don’t think I ever told you why I thought I could become an Ironwoman or even why I wanted to be one. Part of it is a deep, dark secret that only my close family and closest friends know. Maybe after reading these, you’ll understand why I struggled with this journey and maybe why I’m not training so much anymore.First, I’ll tell you why I thought I could do it. In the past few years…
- I’ve lost over 100 pounds by eating right and riding and running (which some of you know and some of you don’t).
- I’ve lowered my blood pressure from a point where the doctor said “I’m surprised your not dead or had a stroke or heart attack” (in that matter of fact, kind of scolding way that a doctor can have when he’s frustrated) to where it’s now a little on the low side.
- I climbed my way out of mountain of debt without having to declare bankruptcy. The lowest month, I didn’t even have enough money to pay rent, let alone buy cat food. But since then, I’ve paid off all my bills except the Discover card (who I’ve been working with all along and now I am finally below my limit with them and they cut me loose to pay off the remaining balance).
- With the help of my family and friends and counseling, I’d pulled myself out of depression so bad that my friends had done an intervention and I’d looked into Mondi’s eyes and seen terror that she was going to lose me. And boy was that a kick in the pants.
- I’d been without a car and bike commuting for almost 2 years thru rain and heat (and one of my aunts buying me a car for Christmas because she didn’t like the idea of me riding in the elements which would have been the easy way but I wasn’t about that).
- My family had survived Hell Year (2002) in which my sister lost her baby, our uncle Chavello passed away, and we lost both of our grandmothers within a month of each other.
- But the hardest thing by far was helping my mother and grandfather take care of my grandmother the last 3 months of her life. My grandmother had a polycystic disease which destroyed her kidneys. For 5 years, she’d been on dialysis and been doing as well as can be expected considering they were draining her blood, cleaning it and putting it back 3 times a week. She refused to consider a kidney transplant from my mom or me or my sister. This is a heriditary disease (which my great-grandmother also had) and she didn’t want to risk taking one of our kidneys in case we developed it to. And as she said “why waste a perfectly good kidney when my body is just going to destroy it again”. What I didn’t know at the time was that dialysis is not a permanent solution and most people aren’t on it for more than a few years. Then she had a fall and a stroke and I think she lost some of her fight. Anyway, taking care of her and sitting with her wasn’t the hard part. The hard part was seeing this strong, independent, stubborn woman become so fragile and endure so much pain. She asked me for help but there wasn’t really anything I could do. I felt completely helpless. Finally, she decided she didn’t want any more…no more dialysis, no more oxygen, no more IVs. She pulled out the oxygen and the IVs and my mom and the nurse were struggling with her to put them back in. Then I knew that my grandmother wanted me to help my mom & grandfather understand that she didn’t want to live like that. So we made arrangements to take her home and a few days later, she was gone.
So when Libor and Kylie suggested that I do Vineman, I thought I was ready. I’d learned not to give up. I’d learned to work towards a goal. I’d learned that it wasn’t always easy. Sure, I was scared out of my shorts. But I was going for it! My family and friends thought I was crazy but they were behind me 1000% knowing where I had come from and how happy I was riding and running and swimming and tri-ing.
Tomorrow, I will tell you why I wanted to become an Ironwoman and what it meant to me. It’s a little harder to explain…
Just Checking In September 22, 2006
Posted by vollenda in : General, Bike Commuting , 6 commentsSo I don’t lose my tenuous hold on the tri world. I heard back from the director of the BOD and he already has a regular photographer guy who’s going to take pics for them. I was a little bummed to hear that but not too much. I also asked him if they needed any help with registration and he said they did so I’ll get to do that. And then when we’re done there, I can still take pictures on my own of course. It should be fun…there’s a 10K, a tri-express, and an oly.
Still just bike commuting. But I really, really need to get my butt back into running mode for the Rock & Roll. Or I’m going to be sorry! My sister gave me permission to sign up my nieces for the kids run. She joined 24 HR and I asked her if it was so she could join them on the run and she laughed and said yes. she also bought skates for all of them and we’re going to get a pair for me as well so we can get some quality wheel time in when I’m there in October. I haven’t been on skates in forever. I hope I remember how! Maybe I should get some pads for my knees, elbows, and butt.
The bike commute has been a little smoky this week with all the fires. Last night, the skies were dark and ominous and the sun was a big orange flame as it was setting thru the haze. Yuck. I definitely need my lights again and I’m a little sorry that my sunny rides will be hibernating for the winter. Such is the cycle of bike commuting though. Have a great weekend!
The NonTri Life September 18, 2006
Posted by vollenda in : General , 1 comment so farI’ve been thinking…maybe I’ll turn on my old blog and move over there for a while. I don’t really have much tri related stuff to talk about since I have been a total slacker in that area since…well, you know. Not that my life has been empty by any means what with photography, jewelry making, knitting, bike commuting, family, work, etc. I’m not sure this blog is the right place to wax poetic on the new equipment that arrived on Friday or the fact that I ordered one of my prints in a 16 x 20 and can’t wait to see what it looks like or the photo gig I have coming up this Saturday (oops, just did! ). Or the scarf I’m making for one of my coworkers who is moving to Denver (it gets cold there, right?). Or the bag of wooden beads that one of my other coworkers gave me since she’ll never get around to using them (like hitting the jackpot people). All stuff I’m excited about right now.
More so than tris anyway. Unless I’m photographing them, that is. I’m going to contact the BOD people and see if they could use a photographer. There wasn’t anyone from Brightroom there last year since it’s so small. I’ve only photographed three tris so I could use the experience. If not, I’ll probably still go and take pictures but it would be fun to be “official” and maybe get into some places behind the scenes. Cross your fingers for me.
When I was checking out my old blog today, I found this post which I had forgotten about. Almost made me want to cry. Where has that girl gone? Anybody seen her? Maybe I should put her picture on a milk carton or something. Or issue an APB for her. If you see her, kick her butt and send her back!
Not So Far Away September 15, 2006
Posted by vollenda in : General , 1 comment so farI ran this morning. I ran not so far away. But at least I was moving forward and not sliding backwards! Woo. It was a pretty good run - a little drizzly but a good run. Maybe more of a jaunt since it wasn’t long or speedy. I ran to the tunes of Oakenfold and Moby with a little Beth Orton thrown in. A good mix for an easy morning run. I bet I scared a few people though. I didn’t wear my running hat or any of my pirate head gear and my hair went POOF. Kind of like that red headed guy. I’ve been trying to let it grow out and right now it’s too short for a pony tail but long enough to become a mess. But I didn’t care because I was RUNNING.
Which reminds me. Last night when I was riding home, there was a sign I’ve never seen before. It had just one word on it…SINGLE? Why yes, yes I am. Thanks for reminding me. Not that it’s so bad really. Just everyone is always trying to hook you up or talk you into signing up for a singles website. In fact, a few weekends ago my sister called me up to tell me about cycling singles.com. And when I first started this whole triathlon thing, the first thing my mom said was “oh, maybe you’ll meet someone”. Sure I will. When I’m all sweaty and looking like Bozo? Right. Here’s the thing…I put that part of my life on hold because it seemed like it was too much of a distraction while training for “the big race” this year. I feel like I put most of my life on hold this year and now I’m just starting to live it again. But now the triathlon side is sliding. I haven’t found the perfect balance yet. Nope, not yet.
Have a great weekend everyone.
The Battle of the Bikes September 13, 2006
Posted by vollenda in : Bike Commuting , 3 commentsI am spoiled rotten. Really, I am. When the hardest decision you have to make in the morning is which bike your going to ride to work that day, life is pretty darn good. I spiffied up Kermit (the mountain bike) with a new saddle this weekend and he’s ready to roll. So now when I leave for work, do I take Blue (the zippy road bike) or Kermit (the trusty steed)? This morning, I decided to take Kermit. I hadn’t ridden him all summer…not since the “saddle” incident where I almost lost my shorts. When I rode him on Sunday, it felt so different. I felt like I was a few feet taller. And mushier and slower. My glutes and inner quads were a little sore that night. The aches and pains felt good though. Today, I decided I needed a harder ride. So Kermit is locked up under the car port and poor Blue is home in the garage (let’s not even mention poor Hobbes who is probably crying in my apartmentas we speak).
The ride in was good. Slower. I had to remember that I was slower when I was about to cross lanes to turn left. The get up and go on Kermit is more like get up, stretch, and then go. Or at least it feels like that. But it’s still fun. I find that I ride different on the mtb then on the road bikes. I am rougher? I don’t know if that’s the right word. It’s like I can be less concerned about road side obstacles like branches or rockes or grooves in the road. On Kermit, I can just roll right over them. Or jump on/off the sidewalk when there is a rough patch instead of merging into traffic for a while. Or riding a dirt path when the road is so narrow there is barely enough room for a car. So yeah, on the mtb, I feel more kamikaze. More like a biker chick. Like a rebel who says screw the government and the oil companies!
Ok, I feel that same way on my road bikes but I am more dignified when I’m riding them. Except when I’m falling or getting hit by a car. But other than that, I think I have more finesse and a lighter touch on the road bikes. They feel more like a dance and less like a bull ride. Not to mention the zippiness factor. Because sometimes it’s all about speed and flying. Sometimes, you just gotta.
Oh, and guess what? I have been giving one of my coworkers some bike/commuting advice and this weekend she bought a bike! She’s been riding it every night to work her way up to riding to work. Woo. She lives near me and I told her my routes and which streets/intersections to avoid. So far, she’s hasn’t changed gears at all so I’m going to give her some lessons. She hopes to start riding next week and I’m going to offer to ride with her the first few times. I’m excited for her. 
Los Angeless Triathlon Photos September 12, 2006
Posted by vollenda in : General, Pictures , 8 commentsThe Kaiser Permanente Los Angeles Triathlon was the largest tri I’ve been a spectator at so far. Even the Vineman, despite it’s distance, didn’t feel so big. Although I did see a little confusion at the corner where the oly and sprint runs split, for the most part it seemed to be going like clockwork. Even the transition area which was jam packed was flowing smoothly. Police and fire support where everywhere on the course. Every corner I passed had at least two police officers at it and sometimes a lot more and there were motorcycle & bike police riding with the athletes. I was impressed at the numbers and I’m sure the triathletes felt safer. There was a moment when a huge jet flew really low (did I mention really low?) over the Bonaventure Hotel and US Bank building. I remember hearing it and looking up in surprise at this big white plane just skimming the hotel. Everyone looked up - police, city workers, spectators, triathletes. One of the city workers commented how he’d never seen a plane fly over like that before. We all kind of looked at each other and there was a collective exhalation of breath and you knew what had been in everyone’s mind. Then the moment passed and we all got back to the business at hand.
And isn’t that what 9/11 is all about? Living life to the fullest and not being afraid? Taking every day as it comes and milking it for what it’s worth? That’s what those 3000 triathletes were doing on Sunday, September 10th, 2006. You would think with so many people, it would all be a blur of movement and color. And of course, it was. But the funny thing is that despite the number of triathletes participating, watching it still seemed incredibly personal and individual. At what other sporting event do you get to be up close and personal with so many different people - from pros to age groupers? Triathlon is an interactive spectator sport! While I was cheering and offering encouragement, I often got a Thank You or a smile (megawatt, wry, and grimaces). I even had whole conversations as I seemed to pick a spot where many people were hit with cramps.
One of the things I like to see at a tri is how the triathletes go about their race. Some people have laser focus and a competitive fire and some people are bubbly and laughing and joking. I think I’m somewhere in the middle and it’s interesting to see the extremes that are out there. I saw one man apologize to another for being an a$$ (his words). They shook hands and then continued on. And while it’s fun to watch the speed demons and dream about what could be for me, I think I like to watch the “regular” people, the middle to back of the packers out there giving everything they have. Because I am one of them.
Kaiser Permanente Los Angeles Triathlon
Triathletes Rock LA September 11, 2006
Posted by vollenda in : General , 6 commentsSunday was a beautiful day for a tri. The tri gods were smiling down on everyone and provided a cool and slightly overcast morning for it. Good for the triathletes and good for me since there wouldn’t be harsh shadows for my photo expedition. There were about 3000 people racing the various races - oly, sprint, and aquabike. There were so many triathletes, it was mind boggling. I cheered and offered encouragement and it was great fun to watch them. Once again, I was amazed at the variety of people racing. From outfits to bikes to expressions - you name, I saw it.
I had a strange bit of luck there. The Tri gods might not be giving me their blessings this year but the photo gods sure are. First, I took the train and it wasn’t supposed to arrive at Union Station until 8:40 but we arrived at 8:30. Then I got a flat tire just as I got to the DisneyMusic Hall. Which would be bad luck except I locked up my bike and got out my camera just in time to catch the pro women come flying by. Woo. That was pretty exciting to see the women I’ve been reading about in person. It felt like I was at a rock concert. They were a little too busy to ask for autographs though.
Anyway…since my mtb had a flat and I didn’t have any tubes on me, I ended up walking quite a bit to get to various places on the course. I took over 300 pictures. Went a little crazy, I know. But hey, it was awesome and you have to take a lot of pictures to get “the one”. When it was over, I walked back to Union Station and took the train home. I spent the rest of the afternoon going thru the pics I took. I’m not sure if I got “the one” but I think there are about 115 good ones. I’ll try and weed them down some more and then do a slide show or two. Sometimes I remember the emotion of the picture and it’s hard to get rid of it even though it might not be perfect. Like taking a picture of an athlete who’s struggling and still they give you a smile. The picture might be a little blurry or not framed right but it’s hard to let it go because the feelings of happiness and pride for them are still fresh. After a day or two, I can look at them more objectively. Here’s a few in the meantime…
